Now For My Real Life…

April 9, 2010

While trudging forward on my Badass Novel, I continue my day “job” helping Sparkly Hubby.

Today’s task?  Reviewing the myriad of resumes submitted for a job opening at his Sparkly Business.  I am here to let you know we are doomed.  Writing is abysmal.  The clincher? Potential applicants who email with a precursor:  they would “like to know how much it pays” or “how long the hours will be” BEFORE they email their resume. 

Geesh, give me a break, can I offer you a foot rub too?

You thought we were in a recession, people scrambling, hungry for work n’est pas?   Not so.  Most people are fairly clueless as to what makes an attractive resume for a hiring manager.  Scary when it’s me, true, but I am OCD wordwise enough that I can tell if an applicant has put thought into his words when writing.  Therefore I am taking keyboard in hand and giving us all a “what to do and not do when submitting a resume.”  And heeeeeere we go!

What Not to Do (as opposed to What Not to Wear, luv ya Stacy and Clinton):

1. Do NOT under any circumstances write in your career goal as “looking to find employment because I really need a job.”  Hmm. Nope.  Not the taskmaster I am looking for.

2. Do NOT write your resume in Bodini MT bold, Neurochrome, or French Script.  Or Jokerman or Curlz.  Just because the font is available, well, it doesn’t mean you should. 

3. Do NOT name your resume bobjonesgenericresume.doc

4.  Do NOT attach a separate cover letter; paste it into the body or your introductory email.  I’m lazy enough, just enough, that I’m not going to open your second text document, even if it does reveal the secret to getting published.  I digress. 

5.  Do NOT push send without using spellcheck and having a second set of eyes review your work.  I know how to spell employment and it has a y.

DO include in your resume:  1.  a clear concise goal appropriate to the job for which you are applying;  2. include dates, because you see, if you don’t, it’s kind of a clue that you weren’t there very long — or that you helped yourself to the kitty and got canned; 3. name your resume pursuant to the job at hand — I know you have a generic resume; I just don’t want to see it. 

For instance I would name mine:  helenreallywantstoberepresentedbyyourliteraryagency.doc.  A little long, yes, but it conveys clarity, don’t you think?

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